endless cycles
thoughtless actions
you are right, that is too far.

Older

looking back at old photos
why can't we hit rewind and go back to those
smiles?
how did i end up here, back at the beginning but without you
it seems like things have gotten so mixed up
why can't we forget and start anew?
where the fuck is the reset button?

I don't remember when I wrote this....

4 leaved love

I look upwards and see
shimmering stars laid in their heavenly bed
It's times like these when I miss you most
When I see sunsets or find peaceful moments
I want you to share them with me
Tonight I glanced at the full August Moon
impressed by its pale glow
I thought of you, like always, and felt a deep
sadness because my hand was cold and empty

This was a poem that I wrote for Spring Sesshin 09

Roshis calm wind breath
bumble bee can not resist
the dharma dance

more lyrics

once you've found love you don't know how to find new love

now every new love is just a shadow



--the low anthem

ten

has lost faith in people
ideas, promises, truth
it's funny that such a state
and over sized nails could make you realize
how far away you want to be from other people
revel in silence, and get away from
this fucking place.

Lyrics that I <3 part I

Wait, they don't love you like I love you.

I'm holding out for that teenage feeling.

I could never go with you no matter how I wanted to.

On this mountain's the only place I can see clearly.

If anything could ever feel this real forever, if anything could ever be this good again.

Ireland Haiku

Really Cheesy Haiku coming at you:

emerald moss on trees
hidden valley of two lakes
exudes peace and love

7 AM, Old poem

my life isn't an indie band's
abstract modern lyrics
i breathe out and it feels like there is something inside me that is missing which might be vital to sustain my existence


I had this laying around in the memory of my computer.

a change in mood....

Two happier poems, both without titles.

the wind blows and your life can change
in a matter of minutes
sometimes you have to give up any sense of
control and just let yourself be
in the moment



nervous laughter
squints and squirms
what does this mean?

well....what could i expect?

it doesn't matter if i spill my heart and soul out to you
you want to erase it and hit fast forward
or ignore it completely
i felt your words paralyze me
i know you meant what you said
but i don't want to believe it
there is no one to believe in
nothing to stand up for
no one to confide in
nothing to look forward to
people are just people after all

Two Sad Poems

The Imminent Feeling is More Imminent

the feeling of defeat lingers in my bones
rejection after rejection
and i haven't started yet
there is only so many times you can hear
what is this going to do for you?


Well I'd rather....

apparently psilocybin is a better experience
than i am at this point in my life
is this worth it,
trying to pull you through the muck
when I am not sure what is on the other side


well they aren't really sad I guess, just real. I titled them, that's always nice.

blue b ale

Teabags and beer caps try to solicit their advice to me
I usually tell them to go fuck themselves
Who are you my mother?
I just wanted to enjoy a micro brew
And now I am getting asked questions about my future
Maybe my rooibos is right though, what am I doing?
Hoping that I will find something out there worthwhile
Move back to a warmer city that’s less gray
Looking endlessly at job postings and airline tickets
There is this feeling of imprisonment, but it’s self inflicted
Because I am the key holder to my own cell
But I am keeping it tightly shut, closing the windows and blinds
Just give me a week or two…

Fuck My Life Part III

why are we so disrespectful towards life
others name their specimens
after fast food pot bellied scum
in attempts of sarcastic indifference
life is one huge joke to them and
i can't decipher any of the punchlines
people joking about killing off the unborn
just to get a rise out of conservatives
and making light of other's downfall as if there was
no other option
pointing fingers and catching your every mistake
yeah my friend just killed himself a week ago
he should have done it sooner and with a gun
'cause man, that shows balls
looking at pictures of those fuckers i shot overseas
come here and see me in this one
they deserved it, they aren't like us at all

Inane Ramblings Part II

why do i get crushed by men that i am not dating?
if they don't make a move on me
its equivalent to someone breaking up with me
he’s one of those guys that’s
into Asian chicks, he’s too smart for you
you might be better looking but not as witty
and that’s what really matters
he paid serious cash to be accepted into one of those
Greek secret societies in college and you just
wouldn't understand unless you were there
well what about that guy that i danced with
i swear he was staring at my ass
then he comes in with another chick two weeks
later, its like that magical merengue meant nothing
or the guy you were hooking up with found someone new
and you just keep saying to yourself well you shouldn't
give all the popsicles away for free you fucking
ice cream whore

Inane Ramblings Part I

watching these movies makes me want to

drop acid and move out west and

hitch through California

just give up on life

explore and discover for a couple of months

read a fucking book

before reality sets in and this whole world

finally crystallizes and gloom is just second nature

uhhh yeah..

I saw haikus and I was inspired......


starts off with a tear
then a magical question
i am in your arms


i was never afraid,
not scared now i understand
the house you have built

Feb 11th 2009

There is always a reason for the way we proceed with our life
I went out this late evening to pump fresh air and blood through my veins
I looked up and noticed the cloudy night sky and the February Moon
It stayed in place while I felt the warm breeze over my body,
and it didn't move when I felt my heart beating faster
Then its orange brilliance slipped under the darkness
As if to say "Our time here is over",
I continued to go round, as if replying "I hope to see you soon"
and "You might be gone now, but I know you are always with me"
I will keep my heart open until the next late winter moon

Weekend Fantasy Disaster

i spend my time carefully
sowing the seeds of love
you pass yours by carefully
ripping them out of by the root
when i exhale it feels like there is a
cavity filled with lead bricks
when you look into my eyes you ask
why do they look so glassy and wet?
falling further away from me
coming closer to you
but you just aren't feeling it
as that glass begins to break
you keep your head straight into the
void of space and what was once
our time
still there is this disillusion
that hangs in my head
and feeds me hope through all of the
disappointment and self-pity
but what a beautiful way to break
my heart





ok so last line isn't mine, it's Beck's but I like it. deal.

Monday Meditation Gone Awry

shut the fuck up and
sit down
conversation in the hallway
suddenly every conversation i've ever had
seems pointless and useless
when i hear the women speak of
wedding shoes
movement every three minutes
why can't he stay still and i am
breaking these vows by getting
angry that we can't share a
silent thirty minutes
and i am thinking be
grateful for these evil
devices to emancipate myself from
sinful karma produced and accumulated
upon myself by my own egoistic
delusions and attachments
through the countless cycles of kalpa
--and he moved again

in a place

i live in a place where
trees are allowed to
grow only in the spaces between
wires, where it’s ok to have a severe case of
ennui, even if you are not French
where people make bad decisions at 3am
in a place where taking a piss seems like a
surreal existential experience
where as soon as everything starts going
well, you suddenly feel the need to
push the self destruct button
i live in a place where all i want
is a warm body next to me just to
feel the same blood flowing through the same
veins with the same feeling of inadequacy
in a place where we stare at plant's
reproductive systems and coo
where we need to justify reasons for an
animals existence by asking
why should we care about them?

10:10

four walls plus a roof lover

there are three of us in this
room, yet we haven't said anything
of value in more than an
hour each looking in their
lcd screen at the others
profile pictures and their info
status updates but nothing that actually
means anything
why would you ever throw
wrappers on the ground?
isn't it enough that you are
playing p!nk as an excuse for easy
listening?
why would you classify me as a
babe when i am clearly wearing
glasses and have bangs
i've ignored your orgasm screams of intense
pleasure by doing light
reading but i can't stand it when you
talk aloud to get my attention about something
that i inevitably don't give a fuck about
but i would never say that because that isn't very breeze like of me is it?

Nonsense

maybe i shouldn't drink so much coffee is
four cups before 10 am too much doesn't
tea have antioxidants in it
blueberries do i used to
like the color blue then all of a
sudden green was my favorite
everyone seems to like the notion of being green
these days maybe
kermit was wrong, maybe its
easy being green but then i
read coffee is good for your health
what about the caffeine maybe
juice or a protein shake? i don't
fucking have time to juice things
do i look like goddamn Martha Stewart?
wait does she own a
juicer?
what’s that guy's
name with the juicer on those info-mercials?
Jay the Juiceman Juicer Kordich
I would never buy anything
off tv
except that cool bed that you can
jump on and a glass of
wine stays completely still it's
made by goddamn NASA I
wonder if they give those beds
free to astronauts, they get great
healthcare, 401k, and that
bed, imagine what it’s like to
make love on that bed? you could
fuck someone’s brains out and not
spill a glass of wine that’s what the
21st century is about
fucking someone's brains out and not
spilling a single drop of wine
that has antioxidants too I
need to reduce the number of
free radicals in my body before I am
diagnosed with some type of cancer
and I then I will think to myself that I should have been
drinking green tea instead of coffee

Speak To me

there were seven glimpses of hope
today
the silence that you've
produced is deafening
spilling heart and soul
upon all of these
87 buttons only to receive
this obsessive compulsive
complex
silence is attractive
but not in this sense
when all i want is to
replay Your words in
my head
silence might be golden
but its making me turn
green with worrisome
nauseating preconceptions
silence is precious but
You are making me feel
worthless
if i could erase this
hide-and-go-seek circus charade
i would just so that you would
Speak To me

Meow

So, I just wanted a place to put some of my poems, I don't really know about their quality, but I generally like them. Feel free to critique, I won't be offended. To start out, here's one that I like.

I've grown insensitive to these
needles piercing my
back one thousand times per minute
staring at your bed
not looking into those pale muggy eyes
she says you have that
God-like stare
everyone else has something
more important to look at
this is a normal everyday occurence
run of the mill
light and sweet kind of shit
now all I have is this
elephant encrusted memory and
those eyes

I am not sure if I want to write what my poems are about, I will leave them as is, and if there is an interest in meaning feel free to comment.